>Through a situation in my husband’s life a little under a year ago, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, an Autism Spectrum Disorder… what is that? Here is my side of the story!
INITIALLY IT WAS A VIOLENT BLOW!
The Word Book Dictionary’s definition of shame is this:
1. a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.
2. a state of dishonor – one mistake brought shame to all his family
syn:Disgrace, ignominy.
3. an unfortunate development.
Putting it all together… A painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadaquacy or guilt, because of an unfortunate development, which has created a state of dishonor, disgrace or ignominy.
When one finds themself in this state of being, they feel hopeless, worthless, inferior, inadequate to say the least, and life seems overwhelming.
The word SHAME… carries an almost down grading sound. “shame, shame, shame on you..thpp, thpp, thpp!” It rings of disgust and hatred when aimed at someone. Living in it means that one feels a deep sense of unworthiness, filthiness, and rejection. All of these feelings are associated with it. It’s a powerful tool of destruction and never will produce or yeild the…
“fruit of righteousness.”
However, where there is sin, sorrow, shame… Grace far outweighs, outreaches, swallows up and utterly destroys it. The journey of any disciple of Christ will take them to the place of shame. That is the nature of carnal life. That is the state of humanity. That is where we live day to day, relationship to relationship, human with human, flesh with flesh. People with people! We need to get a clear picture of how this thing really works!
BUT THEN THERE IS GOD… SUPERIOR IN EVERYWAY… DRAWING US INTO HIS WAY!
I believe that I do see clearly. I have a solid grasp of this picture. God’s work is being completed in me, despite my weaknesses and inadequicies. He loves me and tends to me, even though I fail and fall. His Grace, undeserved favor, is sufficient for my every circumstance and no matter what I face He is always with me.
Others may shun me. Others may not understand me. Others may act as though they are better than me,(you know the old saying–HOLIER THAN THOU) but this is just carnal thinking. I am deeply loved and cared for by an unbreakable, unchangable Love. The Apostle Paul wrote so eloquently in the letter to the Romans: Who shall separate us from the Love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, peril, or sword? As it is written: “for your sake we are killed all day long: We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in ALL these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us! Romans 8:35-37.
If that isn’t SHAME, I don’t know what is.
One of the enemies that I have faced in this journey is SHAME. I am still facing it but from the victory side now. When it was pounding me the most I actually set my mind on the “suffering Jesus.” yes words failed me, heartache swallowed me. Anger, fear, rejection tormented me…
rage, yes, that too. How can this be happening to me????
I laid in my bed, unable to quiet myself. The only relief was focusing on a vision of the broken, marred, bleeding, agonizing Christ. There I camped for many weeks. It was amazing how only the thought of that vision sustained me. Not my great swelling prayers or even confessions of faith, just the wounded lamb of God and the thoughts of Him going through His agony kept me from utterly losing my mind! What Power there is in the Cross! There is nothing that I can take glory in, He did it all, and from there comes, the POWER TO OVERCOME!
O Lord, Make me an instrument of your Love. Rid me of all pride, arrogance, and self-centered living. Let your grace abound toward me today! I will speak of your Goodness and Mercy all the days of my Life. Thank you for Loving me, my husband, my family, my friends, my enemies, and all those in between. Your LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!
The journey, well, I’m on my way… I am not afraid Lord, no, I am not afraid! Thank you for another day of life.
I really feel confident in speaking about this. I will not fear. To me, fearing this, is the seed of pride… I’m just a woman, with an amazing God, who faces difficulties everyday. My life is an open book for all to read. I hope from these postings that you will find hope and you will come to know Christ in a greater way than you know Him now. There is so much more for us… Shalom Friends!
Feedback is welcome! Love you!
REFLECTIONS of a Deeper Life 
>Freedom!
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>Amen, my friend. We are all just redeemed people with an amazing God, as you said. And we are all on a journey full of difficulties. Any saint who shuns another because of the difficulties that person is facing is in denial about the seriousness of his own.
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>Susan, while it was never God's plan that you should go through all of this, it is easy to see how God is going to use this experience to take a world of people in pain and shame into a place of being renewed and restored In His Presence.Love you, my friend! – Val
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>Rev Susan,I am in tears and wish I could just hug, hold, and love on your family. This hits a nerve as I was diagnosed with PTSD; and using Bi-Polar II and ADHD as a coping mechanism. This is the first time I have admitted this publically; and am shaking at the thought of how people would judge me knowing this. But lest they walk a mile in my shoes…people don't understand the childhood trauma, abuses, neglect…they just see a woman who seems "off". Thank God for His Grace, I have learned by being close to Him what my triggers are and because of Him I am not heavily medicated. As a matter of fact I am not on any medications whatsoever. But thank you for your transparency. Its a familiar place to focus on His sufferings…when life comes undone; and you are left with only Jesus and the true ones who appreciate you.Dealing with rejections; even more hurtful when done by those in the Body. We know better. But its in our darkest hours; His light and love shines. Love you.
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>I know The Lord still has a powerful place in these last days for The Gifts that are in you and that prophetic gift that is in Pastor Henry.
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>Through the tough times as it says in James, we find out what we are made of. James 1:2 Says to, Count it all joy when we meet adversity…why? Because through adversity our is tested. One of the things have learned over the last few years is that God LEADS ME. Just because life becomes difficult, or encounter a circumstance that is hard, does nto mean God did not want it. When we pray for God to work in us we have to realize that He will lead us straight ahead knowing that adversity awaits us. He believes and sees us as victorious. He's teaching us to believe the same thing! I used to hate adversity, but know I am learning to see it as an opportunity to grow.
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>I guess I am not inserting myself into the conversation if I am already part of the subject… But, I have come to realize that what we have experienced and are going through is God's plan. The fact that Christians suffer is not only a stark reality but theologically well founded. While we can argue cause and effect we risk robbing many of true hope when we seem to live without the pain, loss and battles that accompany God's Grace and Victory.
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>It´s amazing to see God´s Sovereingnity in the midst of caos and to find ourselves in Jesus the Lamb of God who died to set us FREE!
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>While it is true that struggles and adversity are very much a part of our walk, it is a tragedy when suffering and adversity comes by the Body of Christ. The result is similar to how the human body responds when our immune system misfires and attacks itself. When that happens, I believe the Holy Spirit is deeply grieved, and so should we be. Thank God for His deep love with which He has loved us! I love your prayer, Susan – "O Lord, Make me an instrument of your Love. Rid me of all pride, arrogance, and self-centered living. . ." Father, give me the courage to desire the same!Pastor Henry, your fleshly body and how it is wired may be diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome, but YOU are NOT Asperger's Syndrome. You and Pastor Susan sharing your journey speaks volumes to those who may have disabilities or issues, who are seeking the Lord with all of their hearts and desire to serve Him and the Body of Christ with their giftings and abilities, but have been hindered because they have been passed over, or have been told or felt that they were not good enough to serve in the Kingdom of God because of that disability. I know I am not alone when I say that Pastor Henry has ministered mightily to me – in teaching, in giving a word – in being accessible, many, many times because he loves the Lord and is a willing vessel! I am thankful to God for him. You keep on keeping on, Sir! Press on toward the upward call of Christ!Well, this is your blog – so I shall stop here. I just want to encourage you to keep your eyes on Jesus, and thank you for allowing the adversity you have met thus far, prove your faith – and therefore encourage ours!Love you greatly!
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