>Unashamed

>Through a situation in my husband’s life a little under a year ago, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, an Autism Spectrum Disorder… what is that? Here is my side of the story!

INITIALLY IT WAS A VIOLENT BLOW!

The Word Book Dictionary’s definition of shame is this:

1. a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.

2. a state of dishonor – one mistake brought shame to all his family
syn:Disgrace, ignominy.

3. an unfortunate development.

Putting it all together… A painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadaquacy or guilt, because of an unfortunate development, which has created a state of dishonor, disgrace or ignominy.

When one finds themself in this state of being, they feel hopeless, worthless, inferior, inadequate to say the least, and life seems overwhelming.

The word SHAME… carries an almost down grading sound. “shame, shame, shame on you..thpp, thpp, thpp!” It rings of disgust and hatred when aimed at someone. Living in it means that one feels a deep sense of unworthiness, filthiness, and rejection. All of these feelings are associated with it. It’s a powerful tool of destruction and never will produce or yeild the…

“fruit of righteousness.”

However, where there is sin, sorrow, shame… Grace far outweighs, outreaches, swallows up and utterly destroys it. The journey of any disciple of Christ will take them to the place of shame. That is the nature of carnal life. That is the state of humanity. That is where we live day to day, relationship to relationship, human with human, flesh with flesh. People with people! We need to get a clear picture of how this thing really works!

BUT THEN THERE IS GOD… SUPERIOR IN EVERYWAY… DRAWING US INTO HIS WAY!

I believe that I do see clearly. I have a solid grasp of this picture. God’s work is being completed in me, despite my weaknesses and inadequicies. He loves me and tends to me, even though I fail and fall. His Grace, undeserved favor, is sufficient for my every circumstance and no matter what I face He is always with me.

Others may shun me. Others may not understand me. Others may act as though they are better than me,(you know the old saying–HOLIER THAN THOU) but this is just carnal thinking. I am deeply loved and cared for by an unbreakable, unchangable Love. The Apostle Paul wrote so eloquently in the letter to the Romans: Who shall separate us from the Love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, peril, or sword? As it is written: “for your sake we are killed all day long: We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in ALL these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us! Romans 8:35-37.

If that isn’t SHAME, I don’t know what is.

One of the enemies that I have faced in this journey is SHAME. I am still facing it but from the victory side now. When it was pounding me the most I actually set my mind on the “suffering Jesus.” yes words failed me, heartache swallowed me. Anger, fear, rejection tormented me…
rage, yes, that too. How can this be happening to me????
I laid in my bed, unable to quiet myself. The only relief was focusing on a vision of the broken, marred, bleeding, agonizing Christ. There I camped for many weeks. It was amazing how only the thought of that vision sustained me. Not my great swelling prayers or even confessions of faith, just the wounded lamb of God and the thoughts of Him going through His agony kept me from utterly losing my mind! What Power there is in the Cross! There is nothing that I can take glory in, He did it all, and from there comes, the POWER TO OVERCOME!

O Lord, Make me an instrument of your Love. Rid me of all pride, arrogance, and self-centered living. Let your grace abound toward me today! I will speak of your Goodness and Mercy all the days of my Life. Thank you for Loving me, my husband, my family, my friends, my enemies, and all those in between. Your LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!

The journey, well, I’m on my way… I am not afraid Lord, no, I am not afraid! Thank you for another day of life.

I really feel confident in speaking about this. I will not fear. To me, fearing this, is the seed of pride… I’m just a woman, with an amazing God, who faces difficulties everyday. My life is an open book for all to read. I hope from these postings that you will find hope and you will come to know Christ in a greater way than you know Him now. There is so much more for us… Shalom Friends!

Feedback is welcome! Love you!

>Catching Up!

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Wow, my last post was just too long ago.

I have to confess to you my readers that this last year has been quite a year. The ministry trips went great. As I shared the Word of God, He gave the increase. People were touched and changed. He was as Faithful as He always is. Thank you Father, let your Word be established forever in the hearts of all those who heard it!

I have decided to share my inner world and life with you, because I believe it will be revealing and helpful. There is no other reason except that I think sharing and talking will bring strength to those who struggle; and we do struggle. Life is full of challenge and struggle. It’s nice to know that God really does care and that He is the one who leads us, through His Word, into victory! No matter where we’ve been!

I picked one of my favorite books to read again about two weeks ago. I opened the front page and began reading…. this is what it said:

“With admiration and gratitude, to my Christian brothers and sisters (some now in Soviet prisions) who will never see this book, but who risked so much to circulate Ivan’s story throughout the USSR and the West –
and to the young Russian soldier who endangered himself to me on a rainy Moscow street and who received a small New Testiment with the words, (this is the richest gift you could give me.)”

The Book is VANYA by Myrna Grant,forwarded by Brother Andrew. It is the true story of a young soldier in the Russian Army in the Seventies. I hope you’ll get a copy and read it. It is an amazing story of the power of LOVE!

I then read the next page, which had this one statement written on it…

“In keeping silent about evil, in burying it deep within us, so that it appears nowhere on the surface, we are implanting it and it will rise up a thousandfold in the future.”
Alexander Solzhenitsyn
The Gulag Archipelago

It was in hearing that statement that I knew I needed to share the journey I have been on for the past few years. It is a journey that has re-shaped me as a person and a believer. It has challenged me to the very core of my being and back again. The Master’s Hand is gifted beyond our understanding; He knows how to work in us as He knows us better than we know ourselves.

I remember praying a simple prayer back in 2004. This prayer was, “make me an instrument of your Love o Lord. Please reveal the things that are hindering me from becoming all that you want me to be. Bring the hidden things up so that I can see them”… and the word that came to me was…

“You are on the journey to become selfless Susan!” “Do you know what you have asked for?” —I have to say as I look back on this road I have travelled… “NO FATHER I REALLY DID NOT KNOW WHAT I WAS ASKING.” However, friends I have learned to trust like I’ve never trusted before. I have come to a place where Religion and pretense are becoming so clear to me. I believe, like Jesus said… “If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow Me! God is not fooled with pretension.

Oh yes, God has good things for us… great things for us, but He also has transformation in mind for us as well. This past year I celebrated my 30th birthday as a Christian. I have come to know that I am not just a RELEVANT CHURCH GOER; ONE OF THE GANG!—NO, I am a true Disciple of Christ transformed and remolded by His Word, and the ugliness of this world is fading away.

LORD, MAKE ME AN INSTRUMENT OF YOUR LOVE!

Please come join me as I begin to blog, I mean really blog. My heart is full, my hands are ready writers… The Journey Begins!

>January Newsletter…Upcoming Activities

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I pray that God blesses you this year and that the vision of Christ grows clearer each day as you seek Him. As we face a year of wonderment in many areas of life I quote the Apostle Paul, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me”, and I too speak strength and peace to you through Christ, our Lord, Amen.

I write this note with a twofold purpose. One, I would like to bring you up to date with what I have been doing and fill in the blanks of the past year, and two, to fill you in on where I am headed now.

My time at the end of 2008 and all of 2009 was given to my family. I made one trip back in May of last year to Guatemala to teach at Living Water Teaching Bible Institute. The rest of the time, I felt it necessary to strengthen my family through our transition of re-locating and re-establishing in Syracuse, New York. 2010 brings the Lord’s stirring again to get back to traveling as well as drawing me closer to what His purpose is for RIHPM.

I want to speak from heart to you, my dear friends. It is important to me that you know how very special you are and how much I love you. Life is filled with change and challenges but the people we meet and come to know are the true eternal reasons for living. We are divine unions, “living stones” as the Apostle Peter wrote, who are built one upon the other, being forged into a spiritual house, we belong to each other. Peter penned these words many years after an encounter he had with Jesus during His earthly ministry. The revelation he understood was that Jesus is: THE CHRIST, which literally means… the Anointed One; and His Anointing. There is so much to be gained and shared here but my main thought is this: We are His people, united in the Spirit, because of one common person, The Lord Jesus Christ. He is building His temple, which we are, and it’s this that brings us together in spite of our differences. We are living stones, fitly joined together, strengthening, and supporting one another in a world that we are just traveling through. Whether near or far, we are not disjointed because we are connected through Christ’s life and anointing. Frankly, this energizes me. When I think of eternity and what God is really doing, so much of life’s struggles just fade away. The struggle of daily living becomes easier when our goal is eternal life. The hardships, drama, and strivings just somehow become insignificant in the scheme of things when Heaven’s Glory fills our hearts.

The Apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Romans that “in all things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.” Rms. 8:37. He made that declaration after speaking of all the hardships of life that we face and the knowledge that God is able to work all things to good for those who are in Christ Jesus. Vs. 38 and 39 sum it up for us… “For I am persuaded that neither death not life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any created thing shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” These are powerful statements that settle any issue of lack, failure, or struggle we face. In Christ there is one thing. Victory!

As I think of you, and I often do, I pray that Christ be formed in you and that you will be rooted and grounded in His Love. I pray that you come to know him more intimately and that His strength keep you throughout the New Year. Thank you for everything you are, and all that you do. My life is richer because of you!

This past year, I also had the opportunity to teach two bible classes in our local church’s Bible Institute. “The Believer’s Authority” and “The Book of James”. The Lord also opened the door for me to meet and work with the Latin Community here in Syracuse. I have some upcoming meetings in the works with the Latin women and I have been invited to participate in a Women’s Retreat with a follow up Seminar.

Back in 2006, when I first began RIHPM, I initially incorporated to raise funds for my overseas travel. There have been times over the past year or so that I thought maybe I should just fold this and move on. The Lord however just won’t let me do that. He is drawing me to “allow Him” to show me how He will grow the work of my hands. The ministry became incorporated, in New York in Aug of 2009 and I have been working toward getting the ministry off the ground again. My calendar is filling up quickly without much work and so I would like to share with you the upcoming opportunities and ask for your help again in going to the nations.

I will be going to San Jose, Costa Rica Feb. 24th – March 3rd. I will be doing Missions Training, Leadership seminars and ministering in local churches. Quetzaltenango, Guatemala in May to teach the Women in Ministry class, for the 7th year in a row. Also November 4th – 13th a trip to Honduras is scheduled as well as the opportunities coming open here in Syracuse. The budgets for the international trips are as follows:

Costa Rica – $1000.00
Guatemala – $1500.00
Honduras – $1500.00

RIHPM also supports Missionaries in Guatemala and Costa Rica as well as sending a Guatemalan Orphan through College. I would ask that you pray about how you can get involved either by a one time donation or through monthly support. The fields are white and ready for harvest, and I am ready to go!

I need to ask your forgiveness for not staying in communication with those who have partnered with me in the past but I am much clearer on what to do and have a greater commitment to see the ministry grow and frankly, I just dropped the ball. I now have people helping with administration which is what I needed to go forward. I am confident in what the Lord is doing and ask for your prayer support as well as partnership financially. Thank you for all you’ve done and now for considering to do more.

This year is an open slate for God to work in.
The Best Is Yet To Come!

>The Cost of Surrendering to God

>This is my devotional reading for today. I thought I would share it with you. I hope you enjoy reading it. It is from Spurgeon’s Morning and Evening devotional.

ENJOY!

Morning, December 15

“Orpah kissed her mother in law; but Ruth clave unto her.”
— Ruth 1:14

Both of them had an affection for Naomi, and therefore set out with her upon her return to the land of Judah. But the hour of test came; Naomi most unselfishly set before each of them the trials which awaited them, and bade them if they cared for ease and comfort to return to their Moabitish friends. At first both of them declared that they would cast in their lot with the Lord’s people; but upon still further consideration Orpah with much grief and a respectful kiss left her mother in law, and her people, and her God, and went back to her idolatrous friends, while Ruth with all her heart gave herself up to the God of her mother in law. It is one thing to love the ways of the Lord when all is fair, and quite another to cleave to them under all discouragements and difficulties. The kiss of outward profession is very cheap and easy, but the practical cleaving to the Lord, which must show itself in holy decision for truth and holiness, is not so small a matter. How stands the case with us, is our heart fixed upon Jesus, is the sacrifice bound with cords to the horns of the altar? Have we counted the cost, and are we solemnly ready to suffer all worldly loss for the Master’s sake? The after gain will be an abundant recompense, for Egypt’s treasures are not to be compared with the glory to be revealed. Orpah is heard of no more; in glorious ease and idolatrous pleasure her life melts into the gloom of death; but Ruth lives in history and in heaven, for grace has placed her in the noble line whence sprung the King of kings. Blessed among women shall those be who for Christ’s sake can renounce all; but forgotten and worse than forgotten shall those be who in the hour of temptation do violence to conscience and turn back unto the world. O that this morning we may not be content with the form of devotion, which may be no better than Orpah’s kiss, but may the Holy Spirit work in us a cleaving of our whole heart to our Lord Jesus.

Spurgeon, C. H. (2006). Morning and evening : Daily readings (Complete and unabridged; New modern edition.) (December 15 AM). Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers.

2009… let your LIGHT shine

I am ready to get into this new year! 2008 was a good year and brought some good change for me, but 2009 is a year to “SHINE” —That’s what I keep hearing the Lord say to me as I pray. With so many circumstances facing us around the world, it’s interesting that God is always acsentuating the positive.

No matter what it is that we face or how hard it may seem, God is there. His strength is available to us through every adverse situation we face.

I’ve made some significant mistakes in my life but God through the power of His Holy Spirit, the Word and Christ have turned every one of those around for me.

2009… it’s the year to SHINE!!

“You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” (Matt. 5:14-16) The Message Bible

I want the world to see Christ in me and I want them to be “prompted towards God”

Check out the webpage.. a http://www.enterin.org/ there are a lot of changes coming this year!

Have an amazing New Year!
I love you…Jesus loves you more!

2009… let your LIGHT shine

I am ready to get into this new year! 2008 was a good year and brought some good change for me, but 2009 is a year to “SHINE” —That’s what I keep hearing the Lord say to me as I pray. With so many circumstances facing us around the world, it’s interesting that God is always acsentuating the positive.

No matter what it is that we face or how hard it may seem, God is there. His strength is available to us through every adverse situation we face.

I’ve made some significant mistakes in my life but God through the power of His Holy Spirit, the Word and Christ have turned every one of those around for me.

2009… it’s the year to SHINE!!

“You’re here to be light, bringing out the God-colors in the world. God is not a secret to be kept. We’re going public with this, as public as a city on a hill. If I make you light-bearers, you don’t think I’m going to hide you under a bucket, do you? I’m putting you on a light stand. Now that I’ve put you there on a hilltop, on a light stand—shine! Keep open house; be generous with your lives. By opening up to others, you’ll prompt people to open up with God, this generous Father in heaven.” (Matt. 5:14-16) The Message Bible

I want the world to see Christ in me and I want them to be “prompted towards God”

Check out the webpage.. a http://www.enterin.org/ there are a lot of changes coming this year!

Have an amazing New Year!
I love you…Jesus loves you more!

Transition.. It’s Always A Reflective Time

For those of you who know my family and I, you are aware that we have relocated a few times over the past 21 years. I have to admit that it never gets easier, in fact it gets harder everytime. One reason is that everytime we move I get to know more special people. I gain more friends and my life gets richer and richer. What I have realized through this move is that leaving behind these people is like leaving behind a part of myself and it’s a little unsettling. I was thinking of all the friends I have all over the world and unfortunatly I was a little weepy. I would like to go for coffee with about 30 different people this month that I haven’t seen in a while but I’ll have to settle for the internet, email, facebook, blogger…

I am so thankful the wonderful people in my life and how special they all are.. I think the one good thing about relocating is you have a lot of time to reflect on the people you may not have appriciated and you get to think about how important they are to you.

You know the only thing we will take to eternity with us is those we love, those we have won and those we will yet meet! No money, property, business or clothes will go with us.. just those who we have encountered and helped or encountered and wished we hadn’t. I wonder what that meeting will be like… I hope we both make it because when I read the scriptures they teach me that with what measure I give love is the measure I will receive it.

Hmm just some good thinking material. I don’t know about you but I want to be able to be with any person, at any time here on earth with a pure heart so I won’t have to wonder about heaven!

Love you and am spending life purposing to love you!

Galations is such an inspiring book

I was studying in the book of Galations today. I was waiting for Katie to finish with a hair appointment so I spent some time reading from the Message Bible and it was so insightful.

The message of faith is so mis-understood. In the letter to the churches in Galacia Paul condemns any kind of SELF RIGHTEOUS thinking. He is writing to the believers who have been “saducced” or “be-witched”. The words he chose suggest that the churches there in the region of Galacia were under false teachings. These are serious statements that Paul made so I want to know and understand them. I don’t want to be deceived myself!

The problem was that the Jewish Christians were trying to get the Gentile believers to take the mark of circumcision to prove they were “sanctified”. The Jewish believers were not embracing the full Atoning achievement of Christ and Paul was passionatly straightening this problem out. He deeply challenges the fact that they are trying to impose “ritualistic sanctification” instead of “righteousness based on faith”.

As I was reading I began to think of all the things that I allow daily to get between Father and I. I was thinking of the thoughts that come to cause me to feel of no value or insignificant or “not as good” as someone else. I was thinking of the many well intended actions and motivations that people think earns them the right to be in God’s presence. Sometimes we feel “wow this isn’t enough, I have TO DO more….”

In fact the way we do church today actually encourages this and in some respects we are like the Jewish believer in Galacia, looking for just the right thing to embrace that will make us feel WORTHY, or HOLY! We think if we just make this commitment or complete this task, then God will be happy with us….We will have finally made the grade!!!

Friends, There is nothing other than the Blood of Jesus that makes us pure. We cannot do anything with-in ourselves to bring this gift. We are the righteous of God through Christ Jesus according to 2 Corinthians 5:17 -21. He alone makes us worthy to stand in the presence of Father. He ALONE has made the way for me to live peaceful, prosperous, joyous and fulfilled in the Kingdom. Believing and then receiving this is what gives way to God’s handywork in our lives.

WE HAVE BEEN MADE RIGHTEOUS THROUGH CHRIST’S SACRIFICE! WE DON’T EARN IT. IT’S NOT ON OUR OWN MERIT BUT ON THE FACT THAT … Jn 3:16.. God so loved the world he GAVE US CHRIST… that through His atoning sacrifice I can boldly enter into the Holy of Holy’s and obtain MERCY!! UNMERITED FAVOR!! I can have a SIN FREE CONSCIENCE AND EXPERIENCE THE NEW LIFE OF GOD.. GIVEN THROUGH CHRIST FOR ALL THOSE WHO BELIEVE! Hebrews 4 (having my conscience sprinkled by the blood of Jesus)

It’s amazing and refreshing to know that I am righteous… cleansed from sin and free in Christ! Today, while it is still day I will praise you my Rock, my Redeemer!!

Father I celebrate you and all you are! I celebrate your Love and Gift of the Holy Spirit in my life and I worship You and You alone!!!!! Jesus is Lord!

Celebrate His life today!

Blessings,
Susan

Marinating In Him

Wow, I have been busy lately! I am finally back.

I know people haven’t found this yet but they will! You did, so enjoy!

I have been noticing a lot lately that people are asking me what it is I’m up to, or what is going on in my life? I always think the question is related to what I’m doing with and for God but I’m not sure about that. Sometimes it makes me uncomfortable because if it doesn’t appear that I am doing anything big and wonderful then I sense people wondering “hmmm what’s really going on with her? ”

Well, let me tell you!

Returning from the field was so difficult for me. When we were serving the Ministry of LWT as the Directors I felt so fulfilled. Not only that but many people viewed us as successful. There were a lot of cheerleaders pushing us on and applauding us! it was so awesome. The support and affirmation of others was a great boost for me.

Obeying God to leave the field was a very hard desicion for both Henry and I. We love the people and ministry sooooo muuucchh!!! We were walking in the things we trained for and doing a good job too. Yet, we are confident the Lord did lead us to come home and He is still leading us today even though things have been challenging for us. We know the assignment set before us and we know we will walk into it.

There are days that I miss everyone and everything in Guatemala so much that I ache inside. However, when I see the success and how much my children have blossomed here I am satisfied that I heard the voice of the Lord.

It is self sacrificing to be a parent. It isn’t always easy to see the needs of our children and give them the same courtesy we give others in submitting to what is good for them. I see tremendous growth, healing and confidence in my girls. These are so neccessary for them to enter society whole and equipted. I am glad we made the desicion to come to Lansing and I’m thankful for Lansing Christian School and the staff who lead and love our children with Godly wisdom and care.

I titled this blog Marinating In Him because this is what I’ve been doing for the last 3 years.

MARINATING in HIM!! I have been sitting in a place that is actually very hard on my flesh! I have wanted to run or change my circumstances because they are not really that comfortable and enjoyable. I am actually in a very hard place!!!! I am loving the ministry but I miss my friends so much!!! I have also come to realize that it’s not about what others think about me but about what God thinks of me. I love and appriciate the leaders who have blessed me, but my joy and acceptance come from Father. I am at peace in Him. I do not feel the need to be great! I am so secure in Him. My inward man is growing with God and that’s what counts.

One day in paryer the Lord just brought up that word “MARINATE” to me and said… “that’s what’s happening Susan, I am doing a deep work in those tough hard places that are not surrendered yet. You wouldn’t even have seen them had you not walked through this valley.”

I knew that this is my answer to that question that seems to come all too often…” so what have you been doing” or “How is it going? “ ” Hey, I’m marinating in the tenderizing, sweet seasoning power and work of the Lord, in the Holy Spirit. He’s doing a deep work in me that you can’t see but the fruit of it will produce the deeper life that I am seeking. I am going deeper in Christ!” It is a sweet time for me friends. I am enjoying life. I am enjoying this place as I wait for the next instruction. I have become more confident in the fact that the Christian Life is not one outwardly, but the inner man of the heart is what counts!

I love you
Have a blessed time with Father!

Susan

Taking Every Thought Captive

I was driving home from school today, something I do everyday because I take and pick up the girls. I found myself thinking about the pressures and problems that I have been facing as well as those that may come. I found my heart sinking and could actually sense a heaviness try to come upon me. I was about to do what most people do and that is let my thoughts take control of life!
As I realized what I was doing I said to myself.. “Susan, stop that. Think about something good.” So I began to think about all the things I am thankful for, which led into a prayer of thanks giving and before I realized it I was right there in the middle of a sweet time of fellowship with Father.
How easy it is step into His wonderful presence. How easy it is once we understand that we enter His courts with praise and into His gates with THANKSGIVING! (Ps 100 : 1-3)
I was taken away to the secret place that we share and renewed with strength for my day. I came home refreshed and ready for what the day holds for me.
Friends, this is the promise we have with God. This is our daily bread, to be satisfied “IN HIM!” I am always amazed and awed at how sweet He is. The Lord never changes! He is a constant source of strength and love in this life.

Father, thank you for your abiding presence and strength! I love you!
Susan