>Through a situation in my husband’s life a little under a year ago, he was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome, an Autism Spectrum Disorder… what is that? Here is my side of the story!
INITIALLY IT WAS A VIOLENT BLOW!
The Word Book Dictionary’s definition of shame is this:
1. a painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadequacy or guilt.
2. a state of dishonor – one mistake brought shame to all his family
3. an unfortunate development.
Putting it all together… A painful emotion resulting from an awareness of inadaquacy or guilt, because of an unfortunate development, which has created a state of dishonor, disgrace or ignominy.
When one finds themself in this state of being, they feel hopeless, worthless, inferior, inadequate to say the least, and life seems overwhelming.
The word SHAME… carries an almost down grading sound. “shame, shame, shame on you..thpp, thpp, thpp!” It rings of disgust and hatred when aimed at someone. Living in it means that one feels a deep sense of unworthiness, filthiness, and rejection. All of these feelings are associated with it. It’s a powerful tool of destruction and never will produce or yeild the…
“fruit of righteousness.”
However, where there is sin, sorrow, shame… Grace far outweighs, outreaches, swallows up and utterly destroys it. The journey of any disciple of Christ will take them to the place of shame. That is the nature of carnal life. That is the state of humanity. That is where we live day to day, relationship to relationship, human with human, flesh with flesh. People with people! We need to get a clear picture of how this thing really works!
BUT THEN THERE IS GOD… SUPERIOR IN EVERYWAY… DRAWING US INTO HIS WAY!
I believe that I do see clearly. I have a solid grasp of this picture. God’s work is being completed in me, despite my weaknesses and inadequicies. He loves me and tends to me, even though I fail and fall. His Grace, undeserved favor, is sufficient for my every circumstance and no matter what I face He is always with me.
Others may shun me. Others may not understand me. Others may act as though they are better than me,(you know the old saying–HOLIER THAN THOU) but this is just carnal thinking. I am deeply loved and cared for by an unbreakable, unchangable Love. The Apostle Paul wrote so eloquently in the letter to the Romans: Who shall separate us from the Love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, peril, or sword? As it is written: “for your sake we are killed all day long: We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.” Yet in ALL these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us! Romans 8:35-37.
If that isn’t SHAME, I don’t know what is.
One of the enemies that I have faced in this journey is SHAME. I am still facing it but from the victory side now. When it was pounding me the most I actually set my mind on the “suffering Jesus.” yes words failed me, heartache swallowed me. Anger, fear, rejection tormented me…
rage, yes, that too. How can this be happening to me????
I laid in my bed, unable to quiet myself. The only relief was focusing on a vision of the broken, marred, bleeding, agonizing Christ. There I camped for many weeks. It was amazing how only the thought of that vision sustained me. Not my great swelling prayers or even confessions of faith, just the wounded lamb of God and the thoughts of Him going through His agony kept me from utterly losing my mind! What Power there is in the Cross! There is nothing that I can take glory in, He did it all, and from there comes, the POWER TO OVERCOME!
O Lord, Make me an instrument of your Love. Rid me of all pride, arrogance, and self-centered living. Let your grace abound toward me today! I will speak of your Goodness and Mercy all the days of my Life. Thank you for Loving me, my husband, my family, my friends, my enemies, and all those in between. Your LOVE ENDURES FOREVER!
The journey, well, I’m on my way… I am not afraid Lord, no, I am not afraid! Thank you for another day of life.
I really feel confident in speaking about this. I will not fear. To me, fearing this, is the seed of pride… I’m just a woman, with an amazing God, who faces difficulties everyday. My life is an open book for all to read. I hope from these postings that you will find hope and you will come to know Christ in a greater way than you know Him now. There is so much more for us… Shalom Friends!
Feedback is welcome! Love you!